Detroit Chaos
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Probable Line-Up

Goalie: JOEY Krizek

Forwards Left Wing Center Right Wing
Line 1 E. Sandstrom S. Benninger D. Channer
Line 2 B. Kappler T. VanHackssalot Y. McDonald
Line 3 J.  Stachowski M. Macha T. Schraffenberger

Defense Left Right
Line 1 A. McNamara A.O'Brien
Line 2 P. Kinlin W. Owen
Line 3    

Room Assignments

Room 1 Benninger/O'Brien/McNamara
Room 2 Channer/Kappler
Room 3 Sandstrom/Stachowski
Room 4 Kinlin/Krizek
Room 5 Y. McDonald/Owen
Room 6 VanHacksalot/Macha/Schraffenberger


Game Opponent Day / Time
One Goaldiggers May 16, 7:45pm
Two Grim Reapers May 17, 10:30am
Three The Midwest Gang May 17, 4:45pm
Championship Chaos vs ????? Sunday
Name # Position
Mickey's Mojo
The Chaos webmaster has managed to get Mickey Redmond, hockey great and beloved Red Wing announcer, to provide some insight about the 2014 Chaos roster.  Pay attention.  This man knows his hockey.
Benninger, Steve 19 F Captain Chaos has a revamped roster this year.   Coming up with a way to make up for the loss of 2/3 of the 3M line will be an incredible challenge.  The Captain is likely to be nearly exhausted and have weak legs after his thorough scouring of the Screaming Beaver roster.  Digging deep into the Beaver pool of players, he has come up with Macha and Schraffenberger.   Now that the roster is set, he needs to put the distractions aside, forget about the Beaver recruiting and elevate his game significantly if he wants to bring home a championship.
Channer, Dwight 42 F Channer did not tally a point last year.   True Chaos fans will claim that it is simply because he missed the first game but the hockey experts believe that after many years of improvement, age has finally started taking a toll.   The opponents must keep a close eye on him early to see if he merits serious attention this year.
Kappler, Brian 26 F Kappler will be Kappler.  He will be on the ice.  He will take up space.  He will set up the over/under so he has the best chance to win.  And of course he will score a garbage goal or two and pick up an assist when he accidentally passes the puck to a skilled player.   But make no mistake.  He is one of the key Chaos players in the tournament ..... OK, maybe not.  That was really a stretch.
Kinlin, Peter 6 D Kinlin returns from Ohio again.   Captain Chaos is hoping he regains the Canadian form that once made him a top producer on the blue line.  Sadly, his performance the last few years has become too Ohio like.   It is time for him to shake off the Buckeyes and Blue Jackets and raise his game up to the level of a Canadian or Red Wing.  If he can do it then the Chaos have a great chance of winning it all.
Krizek, JOEY 30 G JOEY had a truly epic Chaos 2013 weekend.  It is just too bad that once again it was in the bar and not on the ice where he gave more goals per game than any season in history.  At least last year his bar performance was a bit more creative than in the past.   Nobody will ever forget the trap he skillfully set for Andy and Tyler.  Well done JOEY.    The Chaos are all hoping that JOEY can get his focus back on the ice and back on the puck so they can cruise to the championship.
Macha, Mike 25 F Macha is one of the new faces that Captain Chaos scrounged from the Screaming Beavers.   He may very well get the honor of wearing the "25".   It is extremely doubtful that he will measure up to the incredible performances of "O" McDonald over the years but he can try.   Macha will certainly show flashes of skill and nice moves, but unless the opposing goalie is asleep, the Chaos score sheet will not change since he is not known to the Beavers as a finisher.
McDonald, Pete 25 F "O" McDonald stays on the roster this year even though he is not playing?  Why, simple.  2 reasons.  First, he is running the web page so he can do whatever he wants.  Second, clearly he is still listed here so he probably wants to be counted as a team member if the Chaos can bring home a championship.  Why isn't he playing after his first season of good health in recent memory.  Simple.  The bonehead scheduled a vacation and didn't check with Captain Chaos first.   Not very smart.    Don't pick the over on him this year.  Push at best.
McDonald, Paul 91 F Although as usual "Y" McDonald had a player of the game honor last year, he was not the usual scoring machine the Chaos fans have come to know.   He has not been playing much but recently recommitted himself to the game.  It will be extremely tough for him to notch a 3M worthy performance since Captain Chaos has saddled him with Tyler and Kappler.   The smart money says he will score more late in the tournament when Captain Chaos needs some offense and puts him with Macha and Schraffenberger or moves him to the #1 line in place of Channer.
McNamara, Alex 4 D Last year Alex almost certainly would have been the Chaos Rookie of the Year.  The biggest obstacle was that Pete's chooses rookie of the year and his cousin was also playing his first Chaos tournament.  The opponents are definitely worried about The Rookie's sophomore season because if he actually gives his full effort and makes a few end-to-end rushes, he is likely to make The Chaos faithful forget about any of the great defensemen who have patrolled the blue line in the past (except for Will of course).  Pick the over on this guy.
O'Brien, Aron 2 D Where does Captain Chaos keep getting these new guys?   It is a pain in the rear coming up with scouting reports on unknowns like Aron.  After a little research, I found out that he played for the Chaos in 2012 and played well.  Unfortunately, he totally lacked commitment and blew off the Sunday game to go to a barn concert.   I don't know what a barn concert is, but it is definitely not as good as a Chaos game.   The fact that Captain Chaos invited him back may indicate that he is better than I think ... but I doubt it.  More likely he was simply desperate to fill a roster spot.
Owen, Will 98 D In 2013, Owen once again showed why he is a Chaos for life.  He played very well and pretty much carried the rest of the lackluster D earning a Player of the Game honor in the last game.  Willy has somehow managed to get control of himself off the ice so maybe he will set the example for some of the younger members of the team who are still on probation.
Sandstrom, Eric 10 F 2014 marks the return of Da Butcha to the Chaos line-up.   He has not played much this year and it is likely that he is just showing up to blow off steam and go crazy.  Damn, I wish I could be there to see it.    I mean,   "O" McDonald probably wishes he could be there to see it.   
Schraffenberger, Troy 7 F Schraffenberger is another Beaver that Captain Chaos seems to love.   In his first Beaver performance he was suspended for a game for what may have been the sneakiest Beaver spearing in history ... except that the refs saw it.   Schraffenberer is coming off a broken foot caused by complete stupidity so we know he is not very smart.  He should fit well with the other rookies.   There is lots of potential here, not just for scoring, but for another Saturday night worth of "The Debacle II".
Stachowski, Jim 28 F You might not know this, but Stachowski actually returned to the Chaos LAST year.   It is true, you can look it up.  He did not make much of an impact and surprisingly he is back.   There can be only one explanation.   You see, Jim's son LJ has been subbing with Jim on Friday Knights.    Captain Chaos asked Jim if LJ could play and the deaf old blockhead thought he was being invited back.   Since Captain Chaos is such a nice man, he could not bring himself to clear up the misunderstanding so once again Jim has a chance to earn his place.   Take the under.
VanHeukelom, Tyler 56 F Tyler is back?  This is incredible.   How is this explainable?  I guess there could be good reasons.  Maybe Alex wanted him back as a room mate and won't reject him again when he climbs in bad in his birthday suit.   Maybe the taxi driver's 16 year old son has challenged him to a drinking contest.  Maybe JOEY asked Captain Chaos to bring him back so he could take him to school at the pub again.   Maybe Captain Chaos has noticed an improvement this year and thinks Tyler will help bring home a championship .....  Nah, take the under.
Diaspro, Lenny 7 OUT Pete's cousin played well last year but could not make it this year.  Will he be one-time Chaos?  Time will tell
Hill, Jason 17 OUT No Hill?   What happened to him?   Sucking up to the new boss.
Lovell, Andy 13 OUT Other than the loss of "O" McDonald, the loss of Lovell has sent shockwaves through the 'Zoo.  Ticket sales are down, bars are closing, and taxi drivers are rejoicing.   Hopefully Bozo will return in 2015
Macaskill, Mike 3 OUT Like Hill, sucking up to the new boss.