Detroit Chaos
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Detroit Chaos- 2015

 

Chaos 2015 Team.
Front: Macha, Cox, Y McDonald, Benninger, J. Krizek, Van  Hacks, Alex M
Back: D. Channer, P. Belding, B. Kappler, T. Primeau, P. Kinlin, M. Macaskill, A. O'Brien

MISSING:   A. Lovell - baby sitter had to leave!      Sad .... very sad.

For the third straight year, the Chaos returned to Kalamazoo, Michigan in hopes of capturing the elusive championship title on American soil.     Here is a video of the young guys prepping for the tourney in the car.  The Good ol' Hockey game.

From the beginning the odds were stacked high against the Chaos faithful. First replacing the famed O. McDonald  wicked wrist shot, organization skills and general stellar play  would be all but impossible.   To add to the misery, Da Butcha would be MIA.   Both were extremely disappointed to miss out on wearing the new snazzy-looking Chaos red uniforms. O. McDonald opted to undergo his annual surgery and get his rotator cuff repaired and Da Butcha was once again recovering from yet another yeast infection from his travels to China, or was it eye surgery? We are not sure. In lieu of their absence, Captain Chaos decided that in order to finish this “unfinished business” in Kzoo, some roster upgrades were going to be needed. The line-up compiled for the 2015 squad featured a well rounded mix of young studs and old farts (and we aren’t just talking about beer bellies), ready to take on any team that stood in their way of the championship crown. Some of the notable or should I say questionable additions included rookies James COX and Troy “Keith Primeau” Schraffenberger, some hack named Van Hooksalot (who moved to Kzoo as an “insurance policy” to secure a spot on the team) and perhaps most importantly, the RETURN of the veteran Chaos members, Mikey Mac and Preston Belding. What was Captain Chaos thinking?!? Well for one thing, we know that he was thinking about winning a championship. That is a given. May 15th couldn’t come soon enough for some of the anxious youngsters on the squad and finally the Chaos crew slowly but maturely arrived in Kalamazoo for the traditional warm up social that consisted of beer, beer, alas more beer and then finally some quesadillas to sober up. The wonderful Chaos traditions of reading Mickey’s Mojo before the tournament and placing their over/under bets got all of the Chaos members into a festive and optimistic mood. They were ready to go to Wings Stadium to do some work.

Game 1 - Detroit Chaos vs Kelly's Heroes
The fired up Chaos headed to the locker room to get dressed and seek some motivation.  for some reason Andy decided to educate his son and daughter on some great hockey traditions.  First was the pre-game ritual of stripping down and putting on the smelliest equipment available.  Whoa ..... what was he thinking.    Most were good sports about it and the kids seemed the most uncomfortable.  Well, except for Channer who took it to another level by changing roommates.  Nice call Dwight.   Here is rookie Primeau reading the first motivation:   https://youtu.be/I3F2Nv2QgY4, Captain Chaos with another https://youtu.be/RqNov15bUGg

In any case, the Chaos faithful took the ice all polished and ready to go for game numero uno against Kelly’s Heroes. Right after the puck drop, the Chaos were moving the puck and mounting quality goal scoring chances. Captain Chaos decided he had enough and after taking a beautiful pass from youngster Troy, he dialed it in and buried the biscuit in the net for the first tally of the tournament.  Kelly’s had a couple good players and responded a few minutes after to tie the game. After a snipe and a goal by Macha and Van Hooksalot, the Chaos were up 5-2 and in control. Y. McDonald decided he needed to join the scoring parade by drawing a penalty shot and a sure shot at another goal. Apparently the referees in Kzoo have a six-pronged approach when evaluating penalty criteria. When Captain Chaos inquired as to why Paul wasn’t granted a penalty shot on the obvious call, the ref responded, "It did not meet all 6 criteria for a penalty shot." To which our captain replied, "Which criteria did it not meet?" The ref returned, "Let's go with #4, he still got a shot off." Well, we all knew that was bogus because Y. McDonald only fanned on “the shot” wide of the net from shear momentum. Onwards the game went, and the ref decided to make up his gaffe and grant a penalty shot to a guy on the Chaos who is supposed be taking penalties, not drawing them. It was none other than Van Hooksalot himself! But let’s wait until after the tournament to see if Tyler is a “changed man” that he had been self-proclaiming to be to the Captain all winter long. It must be noted Chaos fans that while Tyler took a long and big circle up to attempt the penalty shot at center ice, the opposing goalie went absolutely berserk and was screaming profanities on the ice, all to the amusement of the Chaos bench. Tyler weaved in and fired an absolute rocket of a shot, bar down over the Heroes goalies right shoulder, 6-2 Deeeetroit Chaos! Captain Chaos would complete the hat trick and add three assists for a six point opening night, which already matched his grossly underestimated +6 over/under. Kinlin would add two goals for the Production Line and Y. McDonald would finish the rout as he rifled in a goal after a crisp feed from Van Hooksalot from behind the net. The first game would go down in the books as a commanding 9-2, Chaos victory! Somebody wake up Joey. The Chaos looked focused. The new line-up looked solid and the line of Channer, Benninger, and Kinlin had lit up the score sheet like we were playing in Vegas with 5 goals and 6 assists Could this become the new Chaos “Production Line” that would make the infamous “3Ms” line from the 2010 title run, all but a distant Chaos memory? Does anyone even remember who the 3Ms were and why we would want to? One of them is so old he probably doesn’t even skate any longer.   Well, of course that's not true.  Imagine what the score would have been if O McDonald had been able to play.  Likely a 19-2 victory. 

The Chaos returned to their comfortable hotel and enjoyed the outdoor patio and the gas fire-pits on a perfect Friday evening. Apparently JOEY and Kinlin needed to rekindle their friendship by a stop at Hooters down the street.  Sadly da Butcha would not be there to supervise.   They said they went for the wings, but we all know that wasn’t true since their pockers appeared to be bulging when they left, and were down to nothing when they came back.   Hopefully this was all caused by mere Butcha Bucks.  The beer, pizza, outdoor fire, and fellowship were only interrupted briefly by the entertaining late-night training session by our buzzed netminder JOEY, and his drunk friend rookie Keith Primeau on the treadmill.  If you don't believe it, here is the video evidence:   https://youtu.be/DjrCo6FjbOQ

Game 2: Rabid Squirrels After a late night of catching up and devouring some delicious pizza and of course more beers, the Chaos laced up for their second game of the tourney against the Rabid Vermins, I mean Squirrels. The Chaos were determined and motivated to keep their hot start after their first game. Once again the Captain took it upon himself to start the goal scoring with only 26 ticks off the clock, with a nice setup from Macha.  26 ticks might seem fast, but it is nothing compared to the Chaos record held by, of course, O McDonald who scored a mere 9 seconds into the game on April 30th, 2011 at the ripe young age of 52.   Let's see if anyone can ever beat that:   http://detroitchaos.zpinaddict.com/dc2011/2011results.htm   Preston and Rookie COX followed up with a couple of stellar goals themselves using their stench and wits to mark two on the board. After it was all said and done, the chaos led 6-0 after the first buzzer sounded. The second period was much of the same with the Chaos holding the momentum and generating solid scoring opportunities while Joey rested in his crease. Macha scored a clever goal from the goal line on a not-so-good goalie, but hey every one counts eh? O’Brien, Mickey Mac, Kinlin, Y. McDonald, another from Captain Chaos, and finally a pair of goals AND the only two Chaos penalties (hooking and tripping, yes shocking we know) by Van Hooksalot, added to the dominating effort. Meanwhile JOEY let in a couple of sleeper goals after falling off his rocker and waking up. We all know it is tough to pitch a shutout. The Chaos victory ensued 9-2. The veteran studded Production Line tallied another 7 points after their record-tying 11 points in Game 1. Would this epic production continue? Food, naps for the old farts, and a skate repair for Captain Chaos were the priorities for the afternoon.

Game 3: Viceroy The first two games were blow-outs.  They hardly missed O McDonald at all.   Absolutely smothering play by the Chaos brethren. However, game three folks, was an absolute massacre and the first shutout for JOEY that anyone could remember. The Chaos decided once the third period came around that they should hang loose and follow coach McNamara’s advice that we should stop back-checking (very easy for some of our forwards) and that we would pass the puck four times before shooting the puck at the opposing goalie. Well, let’s just say that didn’t work so well. Six different Chaos players would score a goal in the 3rd period to cement the 11-0 pounding of Viceroy. Eight different Chaos players would score and the new “Production Line” toned it down a little bit by saving their energy and Viceroy by only scoring 6 unselfish points with only 2 goals. To celebrate their record-setting performance thus far and a trip to their first-ever semi-finals in the States, the gang headed out to downtown Kalamazoo to an interesting establishment called the Kalamazoo Beer Exchange. A fun night was had by all “buying low” and drinking lots. All fun, except for poor Preston, that is. Preston thought he had a VIP Chaos parking pass just outside the Beer Exchange front door. Sadly, the Belding Man-Van was towed and a long night for a weary few ensued in order to retrieve the impounded vehicle at 1:00AM on a Sunday morning. Would the Chaos be derailed by their misfortune?
Game 4: Rizzo’s Transportation With one more victory the Chaos would be headed to the finals for a shot at a championship. It turned out that Rizzo would prove to be a much bigger challenge than any of the opponents the Chaos had faced thus far or wanted. They had a couple of brutes and good skaters to match up well with the star-studded Chaos lineup. It also wasn’t helping that most of the Chaos were likely hungover from all of the “final absolution” that was consumed the night prior or perhaps it was the 8:00AM start. But game-on, and the first period would end with only penalties to Van Hooksalot and Benninger. The game would see 6 penalties for each team in a very physical contest. Of course, Van Hacksalot would lead the charge again in penalty minutes for the Chaos. Rizzo scored first in the second period to give the Chaos their first deficit of the tournament, as JOEY let one squeak through his pie-hole. He was really playing well and was keeping the Chaos motivated since he was finally seeing a lot of rubber coming in his direction. The Rizzo’s biggest hack #24 took a third penalty at the 9:03 mark of the third. Since the Chaos were down 1-0 and the “production line” as well as the entire Chaos team had been stymied thus far, he called for the power-play unit. Captain Chaos stepped onto the ice and beckoned for Y. The Sniper McDonald to line-up right behind him on the face-off deep in the Rizzo zone. He then said, “Give me three more guys, but it doesn’t matter who they are.” Captain Chaos predictably won the draw straight back to Y. McDonald and he did what he does so well  He did what his brother (father) would have done.  He did what his brother (father) has done many, many times.   He did what his father trained him to do.   He sniped the lower right corner with a skilled wrist shot and the game was was all tied up!   Just like it would have been if O McDonald had been there behind Captain Chaos for that face-off. 

The third period would end with the score deadlocked at 1-1 and the game would head to overtime. Many of you may be surprised to learn that the Detroit Chaos had previously played in 4 overtime games and had never lost! This incredible fact speaks volumes about the Chaos players, their fans, and their legendary history of perseverance and championships. This time, a new and unlikely face would be the hero. He was a long-shot to even make the roster but perhaps with his heroics he has cemented his spot on this famous club. At 3:47 of O.T., James Mercury Cox, donning Uncle Pete’s jersey, made an incredible spinning, diving, lunge for a puck that beat the Rizzo goalie to send the Chaos to the championship game. It was an epic goal. It was the type of goal that Uncle Pete's jersey had been accustomed to scoring.   Incredible and important.   Pure and simple .... it takes some McDonald blood to make heroics like that happen.  The Chaos now had four wins under their belts but the most important game was just a short few hours away. It was back to the hotel for a hot shower and a trip to I-Hop for some well earned breakfast and Sunny Delight, otherwise known as orange juice drink or Dr. Dwight Channer, “Sunny-D”.

The Championship: Kelly’s Heroes The Chaos had already handily disposed of Kelly’s Heroes on Friday night but the Chaos paid special attention to what the Kelly boys had done since Friday night, knocking off the Goaldiggers, the Chaos nemesis in KZoo. The Goaldiggers were the two-time defending champions in KZoo. Thus, they knew they were in for a good game the second time around.

Early in period one rookie Keith Primeau got the Chaos on the scoreboard first, assisted by Kappler and Cox. Then, the Production Line took over with the next three goals and surely affixed their place in Chaos history as the most prolific scoring line that team had ever had. First, it would be Sunny D with a highlight reel goal. With Captain Chaos behind the net with two opponents pinned to the boards, Sunny D saw his opening and stepped behind the goal and grabbed the puck and then swung out front and roofed it over the goalie’s near-post shoulder for the game-winning goal. The goalie was stunned. His teammates were all stunned. The Production Line wasn’t stunned. They had no plans of letting up in the championship game. On the contrary, they had every intention of setting records that would probably never be beat again. They would rack up another 5 points on two more goals by Captain Chaos. The veteran Kinlin was showing off his Canadian roots of fine skating and getting the puck to the net all weekend, and his linemates Dr. Channer and Captain Chaos would capitalize with skills of their own. The Production Line would tally a record 31 points over the weekend and the Captain would shatter his previous individual point record set in Toronto in 2002, with 16 points, 8 goals and 8 assists. Who were the 3Ms? I don’t think those guys haven’t played together since their one shining moment in 2010.

Paul would finish the scoring from a nice pass from Mikey Mac and they thought they were cruising to yet another shutout. However, as O. McDonald always reminds us, “It is tough to pitch a shutout!” The Kelly boys snuck one past JOEY with 2:01 left in the game. Keith Primeau and “rookie” McNamara probably gave those guys the green light to move in and take advantage of poor JOEY, suspiciously on the bribes of O. McDonald? Van Hooksalot would not be denied a place on the championship scoresheet, as he racked up his team-leading 5th hooking penalty.

The Detroit Chaos dynasty had won their 7th championship with a perfect balance of focus and fun. Dr. Channer was finally rewarded the coveted Over/Under prize as he once again picked all of his teammates “waaay over” and also picked the highest Chaos goal total to win the big money prize.   Nice work Dwight.  Also nice work by Andy "The Invisible Man" Lovell who somehow managed to be the only Chaos player to avoid getting a single point the entire weekend.   Maybe with his kids in tow, he wanted to avoid the limelight since we all know he was the star of the show a few years back when he JOEY managed to trick him into having about 12 too many shots. 

After the Chaos headed to the locker room for winner-gatorade, the Captain Chaos lagged behind and stayed on the ice for a little while longer soaking in the victory with JOEY and O’Brien while skating around the rink with their new enormous championship banner. That banner now proudly hangs at the Captain’s home along with all of the other Chaos hardware.

The only question now is whether or not the Chaos could return and show their fans that they still remember how to defend a title. Hockey USA will try to stop them in 2016 by moving them up a division but who really expects that to stop the Chaos in KZoo from yet another championship run. That question will be answered very soon.

Here is the video of Captain Chaos skating with the Championship banner.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoQcIACcacc