|
Name |
# |
Position |
Yooper Yodler
Seems Mickey Redmond didn't want to bother with
the Mojo after the poor 2016 Chaos performance. No problem.
There were plenty of local Yoopers willing to weigh in on the Chaos
lineup. |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
Bieber, Justin |
7 |
 |
Seriously? Captain Chaos managed to get Justin
Bieber to play on his team? What's next? The Backstreet
Boys? This is his replacement for Macha which admittedly is a
reasonable upgrade. But look at that guy! Don't you
want to just beat the crap out of him? I do. Should be
pretty easy if he doesn't run away. |
|
Barna, Glenn |
3 |
D |
Barna? Is dat a name? Seems
like he is missing a letter or two. Like Barnaby, Barnacle, Barnabites.
Maybe because he has an extra n on his first name? Maybe he is
decent, but judging by the rest of the Chaos Crew he is probably just a
has-been or young punk that Captain Chaos has recruited to try to make up
for the devastating loss of Pete and Paul McDonald who both wimped out this
year. One Barna doesn't make up for one McDonald let alone two.
|
|
Belding, Preston |
8 |
F |
Exactly what is a Preston Belding anyway Eh?
Can't be a hockey player. From Columbus? Can't be very good.
But as long as he can drink lousy beer he will like it here. |
|
Benninger, Steve |
19 |
F |
We have all heard about the so called Captain Chaos.
The town is ready for this guy. Seems doubtful the player will
live up to the hype eh? But in all seriousness, you have
to respect a guy who can play the morning after getting so trashed that the
elevator, hallway and his room required cleaning ladies in full Hazmat suits
just to survive. Probably a man to contend with. |
|
Channer, Dwight |
42 |
F |
This guy is flying all the way from Arizona just to
get humiliated in Marquette? Probably not a very smart
man. About the best the Chaos can hope for out of this guy
is for him to bring some warm weather up here. |
|
Cox, James |
25 |
F |
Well, at least we know the Chaos have Cox.
Definitely a requirement for entry into the men's league. Rumor is
that Cox is the big mouth half of the Chaos goon squad with that VanHack
hack. Nobody up here worried at all. He will see
what hacking really is once the games begin. |
|
Krizek, JOEY |
30 |
G |
We don't have border guards on our bridge like they do
in Canada to keep guys like this out so there is some worry in da UP about
this guy. But there is no worry on the ice. Thankfully there is
no limit to how many goals can be scored so the UP players are planning a
scoring fest against what will surely be a week-kneed newlywed. |
|
Macha, Mike |
7 |
D |
Luckily for the Yooper crowd, Captain Chaos brought
Macha on board at the last minute. Clearly the #5 defenseman of
the group, at least he should help to make sure Krizek is awake and has
something to do. Macha has shown flashes of greatness in the past but
what happens in his mind is not as relevant as what happens on the ice.
So far this year he has been average at best but he does have the potential,
however slight, to have a positive impact. |
|
Lovell, Andy |
13 |
F |
A little research on the Chaos website shows that this
guy shows up nearly every year. Seems he could easily have been
a Yooper in a prior life. This guys is great for entertainment value.
Whether it is starting the ice bucket challenge years before anyone else
ever thought of it or getting plastered and sleeping on the front lawn of
the hotel, Andy is always up for a challenge. Some of us are
hoping he likes it here and gets a job in town. He would
be a great fit for Marquette other than his hockey skills. |
|
Owen, Will |
5 |
D |
We know a bit about this young guy since he has been
up here before giving us his money riding around on snowmobiles and 4
wheelers. An actual decent player it seems and with Krizek
in net they need him to be at his best which will be tough since he does
like to hit the Busch pretty hard .... (that's probably why he just got
engaged) |
|
Sandstrom, Eric |
10 |
F |
Captain Chaos recruited this former Yooper who now
lives down south. At least the Chaos will have one guy on the
team who knows what UP hockey is eh? But the so called
Butcha is also playing with his brothers and will abandon the Chaos should
the two teams meet in the finals where we all know da Yoopers always
prevail. |
| Schraffenberger, Troy |
91 |
D |
Well, he does have a long name. Another recently
married Chaos so it is plain to see that the team will struggle in the later
periods as legs of wimps like Troy weaken. The Yooper
scouting report shows he is clearly the laziest skater on the team but once
or twice a game he wakes up for a rush that typically yields nothing.
|
| Toland, Terry |
71 |
D |
Our bridge guy knows Terry. He is The Rev.
Captain Chaos is trying to invoke the will of God to try to get his team to
win a Championship. He doesn't know that God is a Yooper
which is why da UP is also known as God's Country. The Rev has
finally made the cut to be on the Chaos and it is well deserved.
He can certainly drink with the best of us and he is also pretty easy to
skate past on a rush. |
| Totzke, Jay |
2 |
F |
Totzke returns to the Chaos. That would be a big
story except that he is now getting a bit old. Perhaps Captain
Chaos brought him along to help motivate and nursemaid Cox, VanHacksalot and
Troy through a weekend of whippings. For sure those guys
need a calming influence. Jay will probably be pretty good since
he is from Canada which is almost as good as being from da UP Eh? |
| VanHeukelom, Tyler |
56 |
F |
Da UP penalty boxes are big so the deaf half of the
Chaos goon squad will have plenty of room to sit and cool off. It is
always nice to have an opponent who takes his off-shifts in the penalty box
so we can score some easy goals. He is not a typical big goon
but rather a chippy little bugger who somehow recently got engaged ... Sad,
Very Sad .... for her. |
| |
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