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2019 Results - Coming Up Short

Road Trip to Nashville


For the 20th anniversary Chaos weekend, Captain Chaos took the team to Nashville.    Time for a location where everyone could easily stay out of trouble.    The team left early on Friday morning in a 3 vehicle caravan.   By early, I mean early.   I think it was about 5:00am.  Certainly about 5 hours before Private Pete normally woke up after he finally retired.   The trip to Nashville was relatively uneventful …. At least until our GOALIE discovered that he had left his contacts at home.  Yes, the GOALIE who was driving.   Nice job Crawford.    So, a team stop in a Cincinnati Costco had to be hastily arranged.    This stop was successful for stocking up on snacks, Gatorade and beer, but no contacts.   Luckily there was a glasses store nearby and Crawford managed to get some eyes.  With that debacle behind them, the mighty Chaos roared into Nashville ready for some action.

The traditional over/under was held in Captain Chaos’ room.   Sandstrom even brought Kristin to witness the insanity.    A couple new twists were added this year to try to motivate some of the under achievers:

Crawford – new task – 5 shutout periods instead of just an over/under number

Belding – Over/under target – recognizing the fact that Kappler and Lovell would be on his line we could not have an over/under of zero.  So his target was to manage an over/under of better than -2.  Belding even came up with an appropriate name for this line …. The Draggin’ Ass line.  

Bieber – Surprisingly he had the highest number – 6.   This was not necessarily due to his ability, but rather his stated ability.  Certainly if he was as good as he said, 6 should be easy but this didn’t stop the tears from flowing.

Schraffenberger – Troy was set as a plus 4 recognizing that he tended to be a bit lazy out there, his target was to just have the Chaos be ahead while he was out on the ice.

Game 1

Detroit Chaos vs Pickering Predators


Pete had the music blaring as the Chaos were in the locker room preparing for the game.   The next thing we know, Blondie is sticking her head in our locker room to see what color jerseys we are wearing … or with a leer in her eye, not wearing.    What kind of team has a girl on it?  What kind of team chooses a girl to go to the other team’s locker room to check on jersey color?    Well, it is the kind of team I like.   Surely they must be a bunch of pathetic losers to fill their roster with a girl.  But more about Blondie and Bieber later.

The Chaos came out of the locker room and took the ice with a vengeance …. At least until 2 seconds after the opening face-off win back to Troy who promptly fell flat on his back.  Fortunately, the rest of the Chaos were ready go do and no harm was done.   From the opening puck drop, play was dominated by the Chaos.  Constant pressure on the Predators but the Offense just couldn’t quite push the puck across the goal line.   Finally Macha decided enough was enough.   2 quick  goals, one unassisted, one from Captain Chaos and the Beavers were firmly in control with a 2 goal lead.  How long would it last?  Unfortunately, not very long and Crawford’s first shot at a shutout period was over as the Predators pulled within 1 and that is how the period ended.

The 2nd period was dominated by Captain Chaos’ line.   Rookie of the Year candidate (and winner), Chris Kurmaniak …. I mean the Maniac went off big with 2 goals.   Meanwhile, Rookie Hartley on the #1 line continued to sleepwalk through the game.   With the score at 4-1, the Chaos looked to blow the game wide open but unfortunately for Justin Clarke ….. I mean Bieber,  it didn’t last long.   Blondie was playing for the Predators and decided that it was time to undress Bieber and Crawford.   First it was Bieber falling for a toe drag and while Crawford was busy laughing at the sight of Blondie with Bieber’s jock strap in her pocket, she pulled the Predators within 1 goal.   It will be a while before Bieber (Justin Clarke) hears the end of this one.   Crawford is lucky Bieber looked so pathetic since virtually nobody will remember that Blondie also managed to add Crawford’s jock strap to her collection.   The Chaos kept up constant  pressure on the Predators   (except when Blondie and Bieber were on the ice) and with time winding down in the 2nd period, Captain Chaos spotted Mayo Clinic Channer in perfect position and fed him an intentional pass which Channer promptly blasted past the helpless Predator goalie.  Wow.  Nobody saw that coming.   The period ended with the Predators on top 5-3.

The next goal would be key and off a beautiful setup form Sandstrom, Tyler finally got the #1 line on the scoreboard and the Chaos sat back and enjoyed their 3 goal lead – 6-3.    Then a 2 goal lead – 6-4, then a 1 goal lead – 6-5.    WTF?  Even an epic Sandstrom slew-foot didn’t seem to change the momentum.   The Predators pulled the goalie and the game hung in the balance.     Crawford was incredible.  Every time Blondie took another article of Bieber’s equipment, Crawford just laughed and stood tall and was equal to the task.  After some anxious moments, Crawford made a save and the puck was sent the length of the ice into an EMPTY net.  An easy score and a 2 goal lead that held up.  Final score:  Chaos 7, Predators 5.

Star #1 – The Maniac – a totally unexpected offensive explosion from Chris showed us all why Captain brought up the career minor leaguer to the majors.  2 goals to get the Chaos offense going.  Nice work.

Star #2 – Macha with a couple of goals.  Not the best defensive performance, but covering up for Bieber was definitely a tall order.

Star #3 – Captain Chaos with a 4 assist performance.

Game 2

Detroit Chaos vs Team Indiana Select (Team TITS)



Team TITS looked bad …. Really bad.    And they were.   Bad enough that nobody worried about Hartley’s ability to stay on his skates after an epic Friday night of beer consumption.   The Chaos dominated from the opening face-off.  It could have been 10-0 but the Chaos just kept hitting the TITS of the TITS goalie like it was target practice.   Finally, Sandstrom spotted Tyler in the slot for a one-timer that Tyler buried.  Shortly after that, Hartley woke up long enough to get Tyler the puck for another goal.    The period ended with a 2-0 Chaos lead and the TITS certainly considered themselves luck to only be down 2 and Crawford picked up one shutout period to go towards his over/under target.

Captain Chaos took over the 2nd period and put 2 goals in and the TITS just seemed to bounce around the ice not doing much.  Crawford managed to make 2 saves and pickup his 2nd shutout period.   The Chaos were cruising and the period ended with a 4-0 lead.

Between periods Pete informed the team that a shutout would be worth a bonus period and a near riot ensued on the bench.  Seemed fair to me and made perfect sense.  But with Bieber more concerned about the over/under than a decisive victory, there was a defensive lapse and a goalie lapse and the shutout was gone and the lead was down to 3.   Would it be a repeat of game 1 where the lead kept dwindling?  Not if Pete had anything to say about it.   It was time for the Pete and the defense to step up and re-establish control.  With the pressure on the TITS,  Pete drove to the net.   Captain Chaos passed it to Dwight who promptly ripped a shot that bounced off the TITS goalie to Pete.  Making no mistake, Pete pulled it back and snapped it over the goalie into the net.  Back to a 4 goal lead thanks to Pete scoring against a real goalie and not an empty net.    With time winding down, the Chaos added another when Hartley tapped a beautiful cross-ice pass into a wide open net.   A dominating 6-1 victory over the hapless TITS.

Star #1 – Tyler with 2 goals to get the rout started and show the team that the lucky TITS goalie was not a stone wall.  Also for surprising everyone and demonstrating that he was in Nashville to play clean hockey and help bring home another Chaos Championship.   But would it last?

Star #2 – Captain Chaos with a 2 goal, one assist performance

Star #3 – Pete for a really nice goal to re-establish the Chaos momentum as well as his surprisingly strong performance on defense which included a couple of diving saves to cover up for his rare blunders.


Game 3

Detroit Chaos vs Tag Heating & Cooling



With a spot in the Championship game on the line, the Chaos took the ice against TAG.   Finally a worthy opponent.  From the opening face-off it was clear that this was going to be a battle.  TAG was very strong.  If the Chaos wanted the Championship prize for their 20th anniversary they would have to earn it.   Maximum effort, responsible play, discipline and above all self-control would be the keys to victory.

First blood was drawn by the Chaos by, who else, Captain Chaos nearly killing himself in front of the TAG net.  A character builder and typical working man’s goal.   If Crawford could pitch a shut the Chaos would be in the Championship game.  Unfortunately, da Butcha was sent to the penalty box and TAG tied the score.  No shutout and now the game was tied.   What would happen next?  Can you guess?   Well, believe it or not, Tyler was whistled for a penalty and TAG took advantage again and now the Beavers were down 2-1.  Then 3-1.    Everyone knew it would be tough to comeback against this team and the bench started to shorten.   Will finally broke through and score a beauty and it was 3-2 and the Chaos still had a chance.    For a moment it looked like the Chaos could tie the game when Bieber picked up a nice pass in front of the Chaos bench and went in on a clean break away.  Unfortunately, there was a goalie in the net and Bieber could only get a feeble shot that was easily saved.   With the game hanging in the balance injustice was served on Tyler and the Chaos. Somehow the refs found a reason to give Tyler his 3rd penalty and kick him out of the game.   Nobody could believe it.  Well, almost nobody.   At least Tyler took it like a man and took it without complaint.     Well, almost without complaint.   So, Pete had to sit in the penalty box for Tyler and TAG once again took advantage and it was back to a 2 goal lead.    Was it over?   No.  It was not over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor and it was not over when TAG scored and Tyler went to the locker room.   Captain Chaos scored a late goal on a nice pass from Macha and it was down to a 1 goal game.  But unfortunately, time ran out on the Chaos and their 20th anniversary effort for another championship ended with a  3-4 loss to TAG.

Star #1 – Captain Chaos – 2 goals against TAG qualifies as an epic performance.   It is very unfortunate that it had to happen in a losing effort.

Star #2 – Everyone on the Chaos who finished the game on the bench.    People like Pete, Lovell, Dwight and Kappler who sacrificed ice time while the Chaos played short handed and tried to climb back into the game.  People like Belding who killed himself out there trying to keep the Chaos within reach.  People like da Butcha, Hartley and Kurmaniak for giving everything they had to try to get one more goal.   People like Macha, Troy, Will and Bieber who stepped up and kept offensive pressure on while covering for each other to keep the game close.   People like Crawford who endured the TAG onslaught of pressure in the shorthanded situations.

Star #3 – Kristin and Ella Sandstrom for coming to the game and actually paying attention to what was going on and leaving their phones in their pocket.

Star #4 – Carter and Collin Sandstrom for coming to the game and watching a little bit.

Post game and return to Michigan




The Chaos took advantage of not having a game on Sunday to enjoy some good beer and half decent food.  They even met up with the TAG team and rehashed the debacle of the game and penalties.  Turns out they had a pretty good strategy to keep the Chaos shorthanded.     Believe it or not, the Chaos did not even go downtown to enjoy the city, music and bars.    Instead they watched the basketball games.     In the mind of many Chaos veterans this has to be noted as a pathetic performance.   Perhaps this team was not built on Character, Dedication, Smarts and Insanity like the Championship teams of the past.  Time will tell if Captain Chaos chooses to re-evaluate the selection process.   Basketball – yes …. Bars – no?????????????

It was sobering ride back to Michigan for the Chaos.  Spirits were a bit low knowing that the Championship had slipped through their fingers and the penalty box.    Stops at every single rest area were made and also one at Skyline Chili helped to lighten the mood and refresh the air.

Steve managed to pack the Maniac's car to the gillls and even get the jerseys back riding on his lap.  Unless the window was open all the way he must have set a record for holding his breath.      


Next stop Marquette.