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Chaos 2015 Team.
Front: Macha, Cox, Y McDonald, Benninger, J. Krizek, Van Hacks,
Alex M
Back: D. Channer, P. Belding, B. Kappler, T. Primeau, P. Kinlin, M.
Macaskill, A. O'Brien
MISSING:
A. Lovell - baby sitter had to leave! Sad
.... very sad.
For the third straight year, the Chaos returned
to Kalamazoo, Michigan in hopes of capturing the elusive championship
title on American soil. Here is a video of the
young guys prepping for the tourney in the car. The Good ol'
Hockey game.
From the beginning the odds were stacked high against the Chaos
faithful. First replacing the famed O. McDonald wicked wrist shot,
organization skills and general stellar play would be all but
impossible. To add to the misery, Da Butcha would be MIA.
Both were extremely disappointed to miss out on wearing the new
snazzy-looking Chaos red uniforms. O. McDonald opted to undergo his
annual surgery and get his rotator cuff repaired and Da Butcha was once
again recovering from yet another yeast infection from his travels to
China, or was it eye surgery? We are not sure. In lieu of their absence,
Captain Chaos decided that in order to finish this “unfinished business”
in Kzoo, some roster upgrades were going to be needed. The line-up
compiled for the 2015 squad featured a well rounded mix of young studs
and old farts (and we aren’t just talking about beer bellies), ready to
take on any team that stood in their way of the championship crown. Some
of the notable or should I say questionable additions included rookies
James COX and Troy “Keith Primeau” Schraffenberger, some hack named Van
Hooksalot (who moved to Kzoo as an “insurance policy” to secure a spot
on the team) and perhaps most importantly, the RETURN of the veteran
Chaos members, Mikey Mac and Preston Belding. What was Captain Chaos
thinking?!? Well for one thing, we know that he was thinking about
winning a championship. That is a given. May 15th couldn’t come soon
enough for some of the anxious youngsters on the squad and finally the
Chaos crew slowly but maturely arrived in Kalamazoo for the traditional
warm up social that consisted of beer, beer, alas more beer and then
finally some quesadillas to sober up. The wonderful Chaos traditions of
reading Mickey’s Mojo before the tournament and placing their over/under
bets got all of the Chaos members into a festive and optimistic mood.
They were ready to go to Wings Stadium to do some work. |
Game 1 - Detroit Chaos vs Kelly's Heroes
The fired up Chaos headed to the locker room to get dressed and seek
some motivation. for some reason Andy decided to educate his
son and daughter on some great hockey traditions. First was
the pre-game ritual of stripping down and putting on the smelliest
equipment available. Whoa ..... what was he thinking.
Most were good sports about it and the kids seemed the most
uncomfortable. Well, except for Channer who took it to another
level by changing roommates. Nice call Dwight.
Here is rookie Primeau reading the first motivation:
https://youtu.be/I3F2Nv2QgY4, Captain Chaos with another
https://youtu.be/RqNov15bUGg |
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In any case, the Chaos faithful took the ice all polished and ready
to go for game numero uno against Kelly’s Heroes. Right after the puck
drop, the Chaos were moving the puck and mounting quality goal scoring
chances. Captain Chaos decided he had enough and after taking a
beautiful pass from youngster Troy, he dialed it in and buried the
biscuit in the net for the first tally of the tournament. Kelly’s
had a couple good players and responded a few minutes after to tie the
game. After a snipe and a goal by Macha and Van Hooksalot, the Chaos
were up 5-2 and in control. Y. McDonald decided he needed to join the
scoring parade by drawing a penalty shot and a sure shot at another
goal. Apparently the referees in Kzoo have a six-pronged approach when
evaluating penalty criteria. When Captain Chaos inquired as to why Paul
wasn’t granted a penalty shot on the obvious call, the ref responded,
"It did not meet all 6 criteria for a penalty shot." To which our
captain replied, "Which criteria did it not meet?" The ref returned,
"Let's go with #4, he still got a shot off." Well, we all knew that was
bogus because Y. McDonald only fanned on “the shot” wide of the net from
shear momentum. Onwards the game went, and the ref decided to make up
his gaffe and grant a penalty shot to a guy on the Chaos who is supposed
be taking penalties, not drawing them. It was none other than Van
Hooksalot himself! But let’s wait until after the tournament to see if
Tyler is a “changed man” that he had been self-proclaiming to be to the
Captain all winter long. It must be noted Chaos fans that while Tyler
took a long and big circle up to attempt the penalty shot at center ice,
the opposing goalie went absolutely berserk and was screaming
profanities on the ice, all to the amusement of the Chaos bench. Tyler
weaved in and fired an absolute rocket of a shot, bar down over the
Heroes goalies right shoulder, 6-2 Deeeetroit Chaos! Captain Chaos would
complete the hat trick and add three assists for a six point opening
night, which already matched his grossly underestimated +6 over/under.
Kinlin would add two goals for the Production Line and Y. McDonald would
finish the rout as he rifled in a goal after a crisp feed from Van
Hooksalot from behind the net. The first game would go down in the books
as a commanding 9-2, Chaos victory! Somebody wake up Joey. The Chaos
looked focused. The new line-up looked solid and the line of Channer,
Benninger, and Kinlin had lit up the score sheet like we were playing in
Vegas with 5 goals and 6 assists Could this become the new Chaos
“Production Line” that would make the infamous “3Ms” line from the 2010
title run, all but a distant Chaos memory? Does anyone even remember who
the 3Ms were and why we would want to? One of them is so old he probably
doesn’t even skate any longer. Well, of course that's not
true. Imagine what the score would have been if O McDonald had
been able to play. Likely a 19-2 victory. |
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The Chaos returned to their comfortable hotel and
enjoyed the outdoor patio and the gas fire-pits on a perfect Friday
evening. Apparently JOEY and Kinlin needed to rekindle their friendship
by a stop at Hooters down the street. Sadly da Butcha would not be
there to supervise. They said they went for the wings, but
we all know that wasn’t true since their pockers appeared to be bulging
when they left, and were down to nothing when they came back.
Hopefully this was all caused by mere Butcha Bucks. The beer,
pizza, outdoor fire, and fellowship were only interrupted briefly by the
entertaining late-night training session by our buzzed netminder JOEY,
and his drunk friend rookie Keith Primeau on the treadmill. If you
don't believe it, here is the video evidence:
https://youtu.be/DjrCo6FjbOQ |
Game 2: Rabid Squirrels After a late night of catching up and devouring
some delicious pizza and of course more beers, the Chaos laced up for their
second game of the tourney against the Rabid Vermins, I mean Squirrels. The
Chaos were determined and motivated to keep their hot start after their
first game. Once again the Captain took it upon himself to start the goal
scoring with only 26 ticks off the clock, with a nice setup from Macha.
26 ticks might seem fast, but it is nothing compared to the Chaos record
held by, of course, O McDonald who scored a mere 9 seconds into the game on
April 30th, 2011 at the ripe young age of 52. Let's see if
anyone can ever beat that:
http://detroitchaos.zpinaddict.com/dc2011/2011results.htm
Preston and Rookie COX followed up with a couple of stellar goals themselves
using their stench and wits to mark two on the board. After it was all said
and done, the chaos led 6-0 after the first buzzer sounded. The second
period was much of the same with the Chaos holding the momentum and
generating solid scoring opportunities while Joey rested in his crease.
Macha scored a clever goal from the goal line on a not-so-good goalie, but
hey every one counts eh? O’Brien, Mickey Mac, Kinlin, Y. McDonald, another
from Captain Chaos, and finally a pair of goals AND the only two Chaos
penalties (hooking and tripping, yes shocking we know) by Van Hooksalot,
added to the dominating effort. Meanwhile JOEY let in a couple of sleeper
goals after falling off his rocker and waking up. We all know it is tough to
pitch a shutout. The Chaos victory ensued 9-2. The veteran studded
Production Line tallied another 7 points after their record-tying 11 points
in Game 1. Would this epic production continue? Food, naps for the old
farts, and a skate repair for Captain Chaos were the priorities for the
afternoon. |
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Game 3: Viceroy The first two games were blow-outs. They hardly missed
O McDonald at all. Absolutely smothering play by the Chaos
brethren. However, game three folks, was an absolute massacre and the first
shutout for JOEY that anyone could remember. The Chaos decided once the
third period came around that they should hang loose and follow coach
McNamara’s advice that we should stop back-checking (very easy for some of
our forwards) and that we would pass the puck four times before shooting the
puck at the opposing goalie. Well, let’s just say that didn’t work so well.
Six different Chaos players would score a goal in the 3rd period to cement
the 11-0 pounding of Viceroy. Eight different Chaos players would score and
the new “Production Line” toned it down a little bit by saving their energy
and Viceroy by only scoring 6 unselfish points with only 2 goals. To
celebrate their record-setting performance thus far and a trip to their
first-ever semi-finals in the States, the gang headed out to downtown
Kalamazoo to an interesting establishment called the Kalamazoo Beer
Exchange. A fun night was had by all “buying low” and drinking lots. All
fun, except for poor Preston, that is. Preston thought he had a VIP Chaos
parking pass just outside the Beer Exchange front door. Sadly, the Belding
Man-Van was towed and a long night for a weary few ensued in order to
retrieve the impounded vehicle at 1:00AM on a Sunday morning. Would the
Chaos be derailed by their misfortune? |
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Game 4: Rizzo’s Transportation With one more victory the Chaos would be
headed to the finals for a shot at a championship. It turned out that Rizzo
would prove to be a much bigger challenge than any of the opponents the
Chaos had faced thus far or wanted. They had a couple of brutes and good
skaters to match up well with the star-studded Chaos lineup. It also wasn’t
helping that most of the Chaos were likely hungover from all of the “final
absolution” that was consumed the night prior or perhaps it was the 8:00AM
start. But game-on, and the first period would end with only penalties to
Van Hooksalot and Benninger. The game would see 6 penalties for each team in
a very physical contest. Of course, Van Hacksalot would lead the charge
again in penalty minutes for the Chaos. Rizzo scored first in the second
period to give the Chaos their first deficit of the tournament, as JOEY let
one squeak through his pie-hole. He was really playing well and was keeping
the Chaos motivated since he was finally seeing a lot of rubber coming in
his direction. The Rizzo’s biggest hack #24 took a third penalty at the 9:03
mark of the third. Since the Chaos were down 1-0 and the “production line”
as well as the entire Chaos team had been stymied thus far, he called for
the power-play unit. Captain Chaos stepped onto the ice and beckoned for Y.
The Sniper McDonald to line-up right behind him on the face-off deep in the
Rizzo zone. He then said, “Give me three more guys, but it doesn’t matter
who they are.” Captain Chaos predictably won the draw straight back to Y.
McDonald and he did what he does so well He did what his brother
(father) would have done. He did what his brother (father) has done
many, many times. He did what his father trained him to do.
He sniped the lower right corner with a skilled wrist shot and the game was
was all tied up! Just like it would have been if O McDonald had
been there behind Captain Chaos for that face-off.
The third period would end with the score deadlocked at 1-1 and the game
would head to overtime. Many of you may be surprised to learn that the
Detroit Chaos had previously played in 4 overtime games and had never lost!
This incredible fact speaks volumes about the Chaos players, their fans, and
their legendary history of perseverance and championships. This time, a new
and unlikely face would be the hero. He was a long-shot to even make the
roster but perhaps with his heroics he has cemented his spot on this famous
club. At 3:47 of O.T., James Mercury Cox, donning Uncle Pete’s jersey, made
an incredible spinning, diving, lunge for a puck that beat the Rizzo goalie
to send the Chaos to the championship game. It was an epic goal. It was the
type of goal that Uncle Pete's jersey had been accustomed to scoring.
Incredible and important. Pure and simple .... it takes some
McDonald blood to make heroics like that happen. The Chaos now had
four wins under their belts but the most important game was just a short few
hours away. It was back to the hotel for a hot shower and a trip to I-Hop
for some well earned breakfast and Sunny Delight, otherwise known as orange
juice drink or Dr. Dwight Channer, “Sunny-D”. |
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The Championship: Kelly’s Heroes The Chaos had already handily disposed of
Kelly’s Heroes on Friday night but the Chaos paid special attention to what
the Kelly boys had done since Friday night, knocking off the Goaldiggers,
the Chaos nemesis in KZoo. The Goaldiggers were the two-time defending
champions in KZoo. Thus, they knew they were in for a good game the second
time around.
Early in period one rookie Keith Primeau got the Chaos on the scoreboard
first, assisted by Kappler and Cox. Then, the Production Line took over with
the next three goals and surely affixed their place in Chaos history as the
most prolific scoring line that team had ever had. First, it would be Sunny
D with a highlight reel goal. With Captain Chaos behind the net with two
opponents pinned to the boards, Sunny D saw his opening and stepped behind
the goal and grabbed the puck and then swung out front and roofed it over
the goalie’s near-post shoulder for the game-winning goal. The goalie was
stunned. His teammates were all stunned. The Production Line wasn’t stunned.
They had no plans of letting up in the championship game. On the contrary,
they had every intention of setting records that would probably never be
beat again. They would rack up another 5 points on two more goals by Captain
Chaos. The veteran Kinlin was showing off his Canadian roots of fine skating
and getting the puck to the net all weekend, and his linemates Dr. Channer
and Captain Chaos would capitalize with skills of their own. The Production
Line would tally a record 31 points over the weekend and the Captain would
shatter his previous individual point record set in Toronto in 2002, with 16
points, 8 goals and 8 assists. Who were the 3Ms? I don’t think those guys
haven’t played together since their one shining moment in 2010.
Paul would finish the scoring from a nice pass from Mikey Mac and they
thought they were cruising to yet another shutout. However, as O. McDonald
always reminds us, “It is tough to pitch a shutout!” The Kelly boys snuck
one past JOEY with 2:01 left in the game. Keith Primeau and “rookie”
McNamara probably gave those guys the green light to move in and take
advantage of poor JOEY, suspiciously on the bribes of O. McDonald? Van
Hooksalot would not be denied a place on the championship scoresheet, as he
racked up his team-leading 5th hooking penalty.
The Detroit Chaos dynasty had won their 7th championship with a perfect
balance of focus and fun. Dr. Channer was finally rewarded the coveted
Over/Under prize as he once again picked all of his teammates “waaay over”
and also picked the highest Chaos goal total to win the big money prize.
Nice work Dwight. Also nice work by Andy "The Invisible Man" Lovell
who somehow managed to be the only Chaos player to avoid getting a single
point the entire weekend. Maybe with his kids in tow, he wanted
to avoid the limelight since we all know he was the star of the show a few
years back when he JOEY managed to trick him into having about 12 too many
shots.
| After the Chaos headed to the locker room for winner-gatorade,
the Captain Chaos lagged behind and stayed on the ice for a little while
longer soaking in the victory with JOEY and O’Brien while skating around
the rink with their new enormous championship banner. That banner now
proudly hangs at the Captain’s home along with all of the other Chaos
hardware.
The only question now is whether or not the Chaos could return and
show their fans that they still remember how to defend a title. Hockey
USA will try to stop them in 2016 by moving them up a division but who
really expects that to stop the Chaos in KZoo from yet another
championship run. That question will be answered very soon.
Here is the video of Captain Chaos skating with the Championship
banner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoQcIACcacc
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